So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
