She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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