why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
