If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
