So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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