Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
