My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Randomize
