Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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