who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
