remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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