I love black thongs
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
