Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
