it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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