i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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