Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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