The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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