I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
