So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
