Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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