id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
