my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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