No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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