Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
