You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
