Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
