some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize