The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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