oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
