Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
