I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
