my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
