My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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