Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize