Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
a search helicopter?!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
