yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
