If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
