Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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