i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
