I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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