he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
