Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
