his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
