Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm too high and old for this...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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