I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
