Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
