did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
