fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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