Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize