Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
