Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
