Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
