$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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