I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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