I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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