Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
