I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
