I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
