ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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