$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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