i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
