Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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