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I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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