I think my vagina is haunted
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
