Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
