i permit you to call me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
